Avoiding Disharmony in Marriage

There are some simple suggestions which can help you to enjoy a lifelong marital alliance. During tense situations in married life one can take help of these remedial measures.


‘After marriage, a woman’s sight becomes so keen that she can see right through her husband without looking at him, and a man’s so dull that he can look right through his wife without seeing her.’ – Helen Rowland

An interesting thought but that way it does not work. Keep looking at each other with the same trust and love you had before tying the marital knot. Marriage is based on give and take. If you need a good wife you must give her a good husband and vice versa.

General considerations before marriage …

(1) Avoid marrying at a very young age. Both the partners should be mature enough to face the reality of life and maturity comes with age. These days’ marrying before the age of at least 23 years is not right.

(2) Some couples live together before getting married. It has been observed that there are more chances of divorce among such couples. Dating is all right but living together should be avoided.

(3) In either case viz. love or arranged, do not rush to get married, take time to know each other. In India and similar cultures it is not just two individuals who come together through marriage rather two families. So consider things like family status, culture, views of parents and elders etc.

(4) If you get a little indication about the material greed from the boy or his parents then finish the matter there and then. Greed is insatiable and is bound to ruin girl’s life.

(5) Before finalizing an alliance talk in detail about various aspects and do not hide some facts such as any serious health problem or disease the boy or girl suffers from or broken marriage etc. Such secrets can ruin life if and when disclosed after marriage.

After Marriage …

(1) Give each other enough space and freedom to exercise personal interests and liking.

(2) Spend quality time together over weekends or at regular intervals. Going out and staying together will refresh both of you and fill you with zest to face life ahead.

(3) Worshiping together goes a long way in strengthening mutual ties. Make a place for worship in your house. It has been observed that couples who worship together stay together happily. In case it is a marriage between persons of two different religious beliefs then they must take an oath before marriage to give full respect to each other faith and belief and not force to impose your beliefs on the other.

In such cases both should have separate worship places if a common one is not agreeable to them, but they can sit together in meditation after their individual separate worship.

(4) If your married life is full of problems then try to understand that God has put you together to learn from each other and evolve. For such couples reciting Tulsi Gayatri mantra can give favourable results and help in harmonising the tense relationship. Recite a mala (Rosary of 108 beads) of this mantra every evening:

‘Om shri Tulsayevidmahey,
Vishnu priyayedhimahi,
Tanno vrinda prachodiaat’

(5) If married life is not harmonious due to certain reasons but you both are willing to get divine help in order to harmonise it then once a week both should visit a temple where a constantly burning lamp (Akhand Jyot) exists and pour some pure ghee in it which they should carry from home in a bronze container.

(6) To remove any misconceived doubt about your character from your wife’s mind you should feed green leaves to a cow on Fridays till the doubt is cleared.

Article by: Jyotirvid Pawan Kumar